“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” ~Virginia Satir

Years ago I read Virginia Satir’s book, The New Peoplemaking.  In one of the early chapters she talks about self-worth.  Her description is that of a pot.  We can either have a pot that is empty or full.  When we are at a low self-worth, it’s like the pot being empty.  A high self-worth relates to a full pot.

How we relate and interact with others is directly related to our pot according to Satir.  If we show compassion, integrity, honesty, responsibility and love, then our self-worth is high.  If you’re full of vitality, then your pot is full.  On the other hand, if you’re wallowing in pity and believe that you’re always be stepped on, then your pot is low.

I feel that many people who having self-destructive behavior fall into the low pot realm.  So does those that fear the future and hold onto guilt of the past.  Escaping into drugs or having thoughts of suicide also relate to this.  There are neurological disorders that also cause those same thoughts.  That is not what I’m referring to.

You may have had feeling of a high pot when you were told how well you did on a project or getting a promotion.  Even overcoming a challenge will raise your pot.

Feelings of being embarrassed lowers one’s pot.  Not being able to meet a challenge and failing also create a sense of worthlessness.  Though, we all have felt both a low pot and a high pot.  It’s the lingering in the low pot, day in and day out that is not good.

A person with a high pot also has high resilience.  They can overcome even the most difficult of challenges.  A consistently low pot person will feel worthless, even when they succeed.  I’ve coached some high-level executives, including CEO’s, who had a low pot. They falsely believed that they did not deserve their successes.

In order to create an atmosphere of high self-worth, it will take these points that Virgina Satir suggested:

• Individual differences should be appreciated.
• Allow mistakes to happen, this is important for growth.
• Open communication.
• Flexible rules.

A nurturing family create high self-worth.  A critical, judgmental family that consistently punishes (even the tiniest mistakes) leads to low self-worth.  Parents, it’s important for you to understand this.  And I would say the same thing in the work environment.

For those of you that want to raise your own self-worth, Virginia Satir left this declaration:

A GOAL OF LIVING

I am me.

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. I have some parts like others but I don’t add up to be exactly like anyone else. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me — my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts & ideas; my eyes, including the image of all my eyes behold; my feelings, whatever they may be — anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth & all that comes out of it…. words, polite, sweet, or rough…. correct & incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; & all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.

I own all my triumphs & successes, all my failures & mistakes. I own all my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. Being very well acquainted with me, I can love me & be friendly with me in all my parts.

In being well-acquainted with myself, loving myself, & being friendly with myself, I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know that there are aspects about myself I do not know, & there are parts of me that puzzle me.

As long as I am friendly & loving to myself, I can courageously & hopefully look for the solution to the puzzles & continually look for ways to find out more about me — how I look & sound, what I say & do, & how I think & feel.

No one else looks & sounds, says & does, & thinks & feels exactly like me.

However I look & sound, whatever I say & do, & whatever I think & feel at a given moment is me. It is authentic & represents where I am at that moment in time.

When I review later how I looked & sounded, what I said & did, & how I thought & felt, parts may turn out to be unfitting & I can discard that which is unfitting & keep that which proved fitting & learn something new for that which I discarded.

I am me & I am okay.

I own me & therefore I can engineer me.

I can learn all the new things that I need & discard all the things that no longer fit.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, & do. I will then have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, & to make sense & order out of the world of people & things outside of me.

~Virginia Satir

Start yourself on the road to more fullness and less emptiness. Fill your pot with the above affirmation and more important, start appreciating the positive actions you take each and every day. Appreciate your differences. Appreciate the mistakes you make as simply feedback. And appreciate giving your best effort each day. Love yourself to the fullest and keep filling your pot.

Cheers,

Bob Choat
America’s #1 Mind-Body Transformation Expert and author of Mind Your Own Fitness