As we begin each day anew, you can’t fully move into it if you have baggage holding you into the past of regrets. Sure, we all could have done something different had we known any better. We didn’t during those times. Many people at the twilight years of their lives carry heavy regrets of what they coulda, shoulda, woulda done if they were able to live it over again, knowing what they knew later in life.
I say, so what. That is in the past. There are many examples of people doing things later in life that they were not able to do during their younger years. In an earlier post I wrote about “Grandma Moses” and her art career starting at age 76. She didn’t carry any regrets and was able to move forward. Regrets are like a “ball and chain” that shackles us to the past.
Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse working with patients in their last 3-12 weeks of life, made a series of recordings from each patient. When questioned about any regrets, 5 common ones stood out, time and again. Here they are:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the #1 regret from her patients. They didn’t live their own dreams, their own purpose. They simply did what was expected of them by others.
- I wish I didn’t work so hard. So many people work hard in their careers that they lose sight of the true meaning of life. We see this quite a bit today, especially with the “keeping up with the Jones'” attitude. So we accumulate a lot of things that really means nothing.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. This a very common one, especially with women. Keeping the peace with others and not expressing one’s feelings creates an unhealthy relationship for all. Learn to become more assertive, not aggressive or passive. Or even passive-aggressive. Assertiveness is always the best choice.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. As we go through life, we may lose friends and many times it will be too late. While we didn’t do it in the past, you can do it now.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier. According to Bronnie’s research, this is a very common one. Many did not realize that happiness is a choice, not a situation. You can choose to be happy right now.
The only positive aspect of regret is to learn from them. If you made a mistake, then learn from it. If you regretted not doing something, then do it. Look upon it simply as feedback. And then let it go. Melanie Greenberg reported that young people look upon short-term regret as a positive thing in which they can take corrective action.
Each one of you that is reading this post have a choice at this moment in time. Let go of any regrets and move forward. Toss those past regrets into the trash and start to live in each moment. If you’ve set a resolution, then make a concerted decision to resolve it. Take the actions towards what you really want out of life. Live your life on purpose with purpose and passion.
Leave the past in the past. No one really cares what you did or didn’t do in the past. It is what you’re doing right at this moment that truly counts. And I will repeat an age old saying, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Live it NOW!
Cheers,
Bob
America’s #1 Mind-Body Transformation Expert, author of ‘Mind Your Own Fitness’ and is living life to the fullest! And you can do the same!
Resources:
Ware, Bronnie; Regrets of the Dying; http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Greenberg, Melanie (2012) The Psychology of Regret; The Mindful Self-Express: Psychology Today Blog http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201205/the-psychology-regret