“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama
I had a conversation with a friend recently and she seems to be stuck in a depressed mode for some time now. She is always looking for some external situation in which to bring her happiness. She is always saying if I only had this, then I would be happy. She would even say that if she found the perfect man, one who is wealthy, tall, athletic, smart, good-looking and worships her, then she would be happy. I don’t know about you, that will never create happiness, even if she found that person.
Happiness is not out there, but inside of us already. It may have emerged from time to time for some people and then simply slipped back into a dormant state. Trying to find it through things outside of us will only cause true happiness to go further into hiding.
“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” ~Dale Carnegie
Once we get beyond survival and start looking to ourselves in the moments, then happiness can start to emerge. Though, in some cases, going through a struggle and coming out stronger can bring on a sense of well-being. When you realize that you have the power within you to overcome the difficulties in life, then you’re providing the fertilizer for true happiness.
Happiness has many definitions and I’m not going to go into detail trying to bring out a particular definition. Each culture will have their own as well. The world of psychology poses differences in how they define happiness. I would say that when you find joy in each moment, then happiness is there. Some would say the attainment of a particular goal is happiness. I would say that it is the journey of challenges in each moment is where happiness lies.
If you want true happiness to bear fruit, then it is time to start cultivating it…
- Stop trying to be perfect, because you can’t, and start working on simply being your best. Give each moment YOUR best effort. And make sure to focus on those moments, not the future or the past. Stop trying to fix yourself, okay? You don’t need it. And don’t let someone else’s belief of how you should be define you. You define you.
- Fake it until you make it. The simple act of bringing your physiology and mental state into the realm of happiness by imagining you are happy will help to make it spring forth. When you stand with you feet shoulder width apart and your arms raised high into the air (head looking up) and smiling, you will feel a sense of joy. Do that more often and walk around in that state and your brain will start to rewire itself towards happiness.
- Do good deeds to those around you as well as to those outside of you. And take credit for too. I think too many times we are asked to do things just to do them in the name of charity. That is fine and good. Yet, we are also told not to take credit. Doing that will only bring small bits of happiness. It is when you pat yourself on the back will happiness start to spring forth.
- Develop a sense of wonder, just as you had when you were a young child. Look at each moment anew. Mindfulness is simply opening up to those moment without thoughts interfering. Intrusive thoughts tend to create anxiety and take us away from the bliss and joy of each moment. It is time to be childlike again.
- Get into the fitness habit. Being physically fit translates into a healthier and happier brain. The part of the brain that is responsible for feeling good is the hippocampus. Studies have shown that the smaller it is, the higher the levels of depression. Exercise helps to increase its size by activating a protein and gene called the Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF). A larger hippocampus leads to increased serotonin levels. Even regular walking helps. When you add that to living the moments as you walk, then you will get a double whammy of cultivating happiness.
Put each of these into practice. The synergistic approach is more powerful than the sum. Happiness will always come from the inside. You just have to cultivate it in order for it to grow.
I wish you a happy and fulfilled life.
Cheers,
Bob Choat
America’s #1 Mind-Body Transformation Expert and author of Mind Your Own Fitness